Jokes from Readers' Digest

Joke I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with a severe bout of jet lag-induced foot-in-mouth As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms around my better half gave her a kiss and announced "It's good to be in my own bed with my own wife." One of our hotel guests complained to me about a spraying showerhead: "I can't get in the shower without getting wet." A woman at my friends pet shop pointed pointed to a Labrador puppy. "I want that one," she said. "But I don't want the floor model." A shoe store customer liked a pair of reeboks but wasn't completely satisfied. So she stopped an associate and asked, "Does this come in a Nike." When he blew a wad of money at my blackjack table in the casino, a customer stood up and Yelled, "How do you lose $200 at a $2 table?" A patient at a dental (office where I worked stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse as so many patients do when they are they have a check to write. "Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her mine." "Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it and put it in her handbag, and proceeded to pay in cash. An employment website boasted that it provided training, counseling and placement services. What's more many services are available in Spanish, and we arrange interpreters. On route to Hawaii, I noticed one of my passengers in the coach section of the airplane dialing her cell phone. "Excuse meddt can't on during the flight," I reminded her. "Besides we're over the ocean--you won't get a signal out here." "That's okay," she said. "I'm just calling my daughter. She's sitting up in first class." After someone stole my brown bag lunch at work, I complained about it to my wife, who offered to make me something wonderful the next day. But as I pulled into the plant's parking lot, I noticed a guy clearly down on his luck, so I gave him my lunch. I didn't know there was a note from my wife in the bag: "I know who you are. I know where you live." While auditing one of our departments, an assistant asked me what I was doing. "Listing your assets," I told her. "O," she said. "Well, I have a good sense of humor and I make great lasagna." The worst ad campaign ever spotted at a Mexican fast-food restaurant: A sign behind the counter read: "It's a fact tacos is brain food."." These actual student answers illustrate why teachers need summers off. Teacher: What is an evangelist? Student: Someone who plays the evangelo. Teacher: Why can't freshwater fish live in saltwater? Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure. Teacher: Mira went to the library at 5-15 and left at 6-45. How long was Mira at the library? Student: Not long. (Source: Readers' Digest)

 

< Prev		Next >