Nigeria Lite

I was a urbanite living the life of JC Penney

Dated redneck tattooed guys like Lenny

I loved my daily fix of lattes at Starbucks

But I drank only the finest Canuck beer while watching the puck

I sat back in comfort while I rode the lightning speed of cyber

And I paid a pretty penny for the town's finest barber

I was a spoiled rich little girl

Who gave the world a twirl (on her finger)

Until one day, this girl wanted adventure

So off she went to Africa, this crazy bature

Droppin' the pounds like a ice block in the desert

All they had was a plain pound cake for dessert

Instant coffee, instant poop

Without espresso my eyes droop

With no NEPA let's concur

There's no snowball's chance in hell I'm wearing fur

The Internet has the same pace as a dim Californian blond

It's so slow, I see grey hairs growing this second

There's so much dirt, Mr Clean has committed suicide

Armed and ready to battle with a mop and pesticide

Life is tough,

For the diamond in the rough

But this urbanite spoiled brat has reformed

Life has forced her to stand up straight and perform

The hard lessons learned with too many a mosquito bite

You all spoiled brats need to try Nigeria Lite.

- by Christine Amanda Roschaert, june 2008, birnin kebbi